Posted by: Vernon Ready
If you and your spouse have friends, coworkers, or family members going through a divorce, it can quickly put fears in your head. After a fight or during an ongoing conflict, you might ask yourself: are we next?
Maybe you and your spouse are just going through a rough patch. All couples do from time to time. But no matter how temporary you think this phase will be, without counseling or intervention, a temporary phase could turn into a permanent separation right before your eyes.
Look over these telltale signs of divorce to see if your marriage is heading down a dangerous road:
You’re Putting Off Big Issues. It’s not easy to talk about big issues that you and your spouse disagree on, like moving to a new city, having kids, or parenting styles that just don’t match up. But after a while, you won’t be able to run away from the issue. And one issue can ruin a marriage if you and your spouse let it take over.
So what do you do? The answer isn’t easy, but it has to be done: work on coming to an understanding and a mutual solution as soon as possible. The longer that you and your spouse put off talking about the problem, the larger it will grow.
You Argue About Small Issues Over and Over. Conflicts are not easy to get through. They take work and effort. They also require communication and understanding. In many cases, couples will argue over small things (cleanliness, sleeping schedules, and so on) to cover up for larger issues.
If you and your spouse find yourself arguing over the same small issues repeatedly, it is a sign that you are not taking the time or putting in the effort to fixing what is bothering you about your relationship. This could quickly spiral out of control. Identifying the root causes of small conflicts takes effort, but with the right tools it can be done. A counselor may be able to help if you are struggling.
Your Relationship Isn’t a Priority. When is your next date night? Have you complimented them lately? Are you having sex regularly?
Many couples put their relationship on the backburner after having kids or deciding to pursue a new job. While these different areas of your life are obviously important, you and your spouse have to learn how to build your relationship and its growth into the big balancing act of your life.
The desire to be together fuels a healthy marriage, but sometimes you need a consistent date night to refuel that desire. Don’t just hope that it happens, either – schedule it. And when other things come up, do your best to schedule around your date night. Spending this extra time together will allow you and your spouse to reconnect and bring your relationship back into focus.
Even if some of these signs describe your relationship and you can’t seem to work through them on your own, it’s not necessarily time to hire a divorce lawyer. One option, as mentioned above, is to go to counseling. But this isn’t the only way to help.
If therapy sounds uncomfortable to you and your spouse, consider mediation. It’s a less “touchy-feely” process where a trained mediator helps two parties come to an agreement.
These agreements could be about anything: money, parenting, your marriage, and so on. Sometimes, when mediation is used in divorce proceedings, it can even stop the couple from going through with the divorce. Contact us today to learn more about the benefits of mediation.
About the Author:
Vernon Ready is an award-winning Colorado lawyer with an in-depth understanding of all areas of family law, estate planning, and personal injury. His energetic and aggressive advocacy approach allow him to successfully navigate complex cases, including high asset divorce and complicated custody issues. During his time at the University of Colorado Law School, Ready won numerous awards for his trial advocacy skills. Since being admitted to practice in 2009, Ready has become well-known throughout Denver and the state for the passionate defense of his clients and his unparalleled understanding of the law.